Old Iron Bridge

(Kayla, 1984)

We marched across the old iron bridge, over broken beer bottles, past Aqui, almost to the base of the hill. We walked and walked and walked. Since it was January, it was cold. The wind whipped snow into our faces and up our noses. By the time we got where we were going, my leather boots were white with snow and my lungs burned.

"The drive-in?" I asked.

"Jeff told me this is where everyone hangs out."

Birch Falls Drive-In was a huge, empty lot, surrounded by a chain-link fence. The large movie screen was still there, as was the old Snack Shack, but all the speakers were gone. Clearly, no one had seen a movie there in years. Robin and I snuck through a hole in the fence. The noise was deafening. I could hear engines revving and guys yelling, "I'm next!" A thick cloud of snow swallowed up the action in the middle of the lot. As soon as it cleared, i saw Jizzy.

"His time is up!" he shouted. "I'm next!"

Robin and I hung back and watched Jizzy hop into his car. He gunned the engine, then hurtled forward.

It looked incredibly dangerous and incredibly fun. Jizzy drove in a circle, like it was bucking bronco. The wheels kicked up so much snow it was hard to see anything. Was this even legal? Probably not.

After five minutes, a bullhorn blared and Jizzy slowed down. As the snow fell back to the earth, i scanned the crowd. It didn't take long to see him. His black hair was white with snow, and his shirt was wet. Still, my heart lurched. I tried to will his icy blue eyes to turn and look at me, but Tom was helping Jizzy out of his car. Jizzy stumbled as he stepped out, Tom holding him straight and supporting his weight so he wouldn't topple over. Was he drunk? It sure looked like it.

As soon as Jizzy was seated on the ground, Tom and I locked gazes. In the middle of shaking the snow out of his hair, he caught site of me, and my heart kicked up it's disco beat. Robin and I were the only girls at the drive-in. In fact, i heard someone ask, "Who let them in?"

But i didn't care. I was there for one reason and one reason alone.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" I said, walking straight up to Tom even though my legs wobbled like rubber bands. Robin waited for me near the Snack Shack.

"Oooo. Tommy's busted!"

"Your girlfriend wants you home."

The guys in line made fun, but i didn't care. "It'll only take a second," i said.

Tom nodded. He led me over the far fence, away from the action, and said, "Yeah?"

There he was, inches from my face, his eyebrows up, waiting. My heart hammered my rib cage. My tongue felt like a piece of cardboard.

"I was wondering," i said, biting my lower lip, "is everything okay? I haven't seen you around much. I thought we were dating...No?"

Tom stopped smiling, looked away. "Yeah," he said. "Everything's fine. I've been around."

I waited for him to say something more, but the next thing he said felt like an ice pick to the chest.

"I've gotta go. Jizzy is waiting for me to take him home."

Tom sauntered away and i nearly crumpled to the snow-covered ground. If Robin hadn't appeared, i probably would have stayed there, in a heap, until the dry wind blew me away.

♥♥♥

That night, as i was getting ready for bed, our phone rang. I got it by the third ring.

"Hello?"

"I did it," Cheyenne squealed.

"Did what?"

"Kissed Eric!"

Oh.

How could i tell the girl i used to tell everything to that i didn't want to hear about the happiest moment in her life? How could i tell her that i was feeling too upset to even care? When i'd gotten home, i'd taken a shower, washed the snow from Birch Falls Drive-In down the drain. I couldn't wait to crawl under the covers and pull a blanket over my life.

"Great! What was it like?" I asked, forcing my voice to sound cheery.

"Awesome! Incredible! It was everything i imagined it would be that day in our backyard. Eric is a great kisser. Very dramatic."

"Wow." It's all i could think of to say. Then i added, "I'm really happy for you, Chey." And i was. At least one of us would know love.

"You'll get your kiss, too," she said. "One day. You'll see."

In my head, i figured she was probably right. But in my heart, a serious kiss-true love-felt as far away as the distant look in Tom's eyes.