Obituary

The absence of an itinerary was hardly the worst thing running through Cheyenne's mind. Last night was. Forget the fight. What had Eric done at the party? Did he stay the night at Jizzy's? What if he hooked up with one of the sluts that live there? Like Nicole? Or Jessica? Cheyenne's stomach turned over. Eric knew how much she hated Nicole. That would be the ultimate deception. And if he did hook up with Nicole, would she be able to forgive him? Would their relationship be ruined? She didn't even want to think about it.

To keep herself busy, she searched the local Sunday paper for the horoscopes section and looked up hers.

Dear Cancer,
Patience is an unfamiliar word to Cancer, but the time calls for it. Take a deep breath and relax. What you're waiting for will come eventually. In the meantime, focus on that major project you've put off.

Major Project? Cheyenne wrinkled her nose in confusion. She didn't have any major projects.

Sighing, she closed the newspaper and lolled her head against the back of the chair. She stared at the ceiling, noting the canopy of cobwebs in the corner.

♥♥♥

Cheyenne was spending her Saturday afternoon in the attic. She should have been out shopping. Or maybe working. Or getting her hair done. But she didn't feel like leaving the house, which was definitely saying something.

As a way to get her mind off Eric, Cheyenne was in pursuit of a tote she'd lugged into the attic some six months ago. It contained several crammed sketch books, one ratty blanket, and empty journal and a box of pencils.

The idea was, find the sketch book and take up the hobby she once hoped to have. Cheyenne stepped around a leather trunk, bumping into a tower of cardboard boxes. She stilled them with her hands before they toppled over, and moved farther into the room, which ran the lenght and width of the house.

Mostly there were cardboard boxes up totes up here. Kayla filled boxes, but Robin had always said totes were more practical because they guarded against moisture and bugs.

The tote Cheyenne was looking for was clear with a top the color of flamingos. It should have been easy to pick out among the brown cardboard and the forest-green totes Robin always bought, but for some reason, Cheyenne was having a hard time locating it.

And it should have been right by the door where she left it. Had Robin grabbed it? Maybe to take the unused sketch books?

Part of her was searching for the tote, not only for the sketch books but the blanket, too. She'd lost the most familiar thing in her life: Eric. She felt like she was reaching for anything that would be familiar and maybe fill that hollow void in her chest.

Dust swirled in the muted moonlight pouring through the square window at the far end. Cheyenne wondered what time it was and whether or not she'd ever find this stupid tote. It had to be after nine if the moon was out.

She thought of Eric and wondered where he was and what he was doing. Hopefully, he wasn't with Nicole.

"Aha," she said to the silence when she spotted the pink tote lid peeking out from beneath a sheet. She pulled the sheet back. Dust spiraled in the air and she waved it away. When it settled, she sat on the floor with the tote in front of her and popped open the lid.

Sitting on the top of the canary-yellow blanket was the sketchbook, exactly where she'd put it six months ago.

Now she took the sketchbook in her hands and slid her hand over the cover. Something let out three chirps while a light flickered green. Cheyenne's mouth hung slack when she picked up the camera. The screen lit up with the last picture taken.

It was of Cheyenne and Eric on the back patio, sitting in the bench swing. Their back were to the camera, but they were looking at each other so their faces were in profile, silhouetted by the flickering orange glow of a fire in the cast-iron pit.

That'd been two summers ago, when their relationship was still new and Eric's band hadn't yet received their record deal. Cheyenne never knew that Kayla had taken this picture. Or that she'd been there in the house watching them.

It was such a beautiful photograph. It reminded Cheyenne of how good her life was that summer.

I wish there was something i could do to get that back, she thought. That perfection.

But unless Eric took her back, Cheyenne knew her life would never be that perfect again.

♥♥♥

The next day, in order not to think about Eric and his birthday, Cheyenne got up early, packed a backpack and headed out to Eagle Park with her sketchbook and box of pencils.

It was one of those late winter days when the sky was clear and the sun was shining. In direct light, it almost felt like spring in the above-freezing temps. Thank God spring was just days away.

She parked in the front lot of the park and got out of the car with her backpack. She'd used the sketchbook a few times since fetching it from the attic. She decorated the cover with scratch and sniff stickers and photo of Nikki Sixx from a magazine.

There were a few cars in the parking lot but no one in sight. Most likely they were on one of the ten different trails that ran through the park. Cheyenne had been on all of them with Eric.

Keeping on the narrow, paved walkway, Cheyenne headed toward the start of her favorite trail, the Lost Lake Trail. The path was clear, but wet from the melting snow. Cheyenne's boots made slapping noises in the shallow puddles.

On each side of the walkway were woods, the ground covered in patches of snow and piles of crisp leaves. A fat black squirrel darted beneath one of the wooden benches as Cheyenne stepped on a twig.

Squirrel, Cheyenne thought. I saw a black squirrel the day Eric and I officially broke up.

She sighed as the cold pain from that day came flooding back. She was done crying, but the ache in her chest whenever she thought of Eric was still sharp.

I don't ever want to look at another stupid squirrel again, she thought.

But then she layed her sketchbook on the bench and opened it to the first blank page. She grabbed a pencil from the box and brought it's tip to the paper. She watched the squirrel, bringing something to its mouth with both hands. It almost looked like it was praying. Cheyenne's hand began to move the pencil around the page.

"That's actually not too bad," she said to herself, looking down at the quick sketch of the squirrels body. It was a start and she could fill in the rest of the details without the squirrel being in sight.

"What's not too bad?"

Cheyenne shrieked and whirled around. Jeff stood behind her, his chest rising and falling quickly as if he'd been running. Sweat beaded on his temples. His cheeks were red.

"Hey," she said. "You scared me."

"Sorry." He shrugged and then repositioned his baseball hat on his head so that the brim was in back. "I thought you heard me run up."

Cheyenne looked past Jeff to the paved trail winding through the trees. Sometimes Eric came out here and ran with Jeff. Part of her was hoping she'd see him come up.

"I'm by myself," Jeff said. He put his hands on his hips.

"Right. I was just"-She stopped herself before she sounded silly. Jeff was no idiot. He knew she'd been looking for Eric. "How is he?"

"Eric? He's"-Jeff ran his shirtsleeve over his temple to soak up some sweat-"he's okay, i guess. You know Eric. He doesn't share his emotions."

Cheyenne smiled and nodded. There were a million other questions she wanted to ask him, but she hated to sound so nosy. And it wasn't like it was any of her business what Eric was up to. There was also the possibility that she'd just annoy Jeff with the grilling, and if she annoyed him, he'd probably complain to Eric about it.

What would her friends do in this situation? Kayla would just smile and flirt to get all the answers she wanted. Robin wouldn't ask at all.

Come on, Cheyenne. You're the smart one. Think of something.

"So," she began as her mind tried to grab for something clever, "what have you been up to?"

Jeff was with Eric all the time. Maybe she could glean something from his answer.

"Just hanging out," he answered. "Mostly it's just been me and Tom and Eric and Kayla. You know?"

What about Nicole? Cheyenne so wanted to ask. She parted her lips, ready to blurt the question out before she could think better of it, but then she looked down at the pencil in her hands. It signified something in her life, something that was just hers. And right now, she thought of hiking through the woods and sketching pictures like she and Robin used to do, sounded more interesting than discussing gossip.

She cared if Eric was seeing Nicole, but caring wouldn't get her anywhere. It would just cause her more stress, and she'd come to the park to enjoy herself.

"Well," she said, "I should let you get back to your run."

Jeff nodded. "Yeah. Still have a mile left to go." He raised his arms above his head and stretched. "See ya round." He tipped his head good-bye and jogged off down the pathway.

Cheyenne brought her attention back to the sketchbook. She looked up at the tree the squirrel was in to see the sun shinning muted rays through the bare tree branches so that it looked like Jeff was running toward some sort of heavenly light.

She still had room for fifty more pictures in her sketchbook, and she couldn't wait to fill it up.